When I started mom monster a few years ago I loved the writing and sharing aspect of having a blog, letting the world see into my reality. I finally had a place to share my thoughts and feelings on motherhood, somewhere they belonged. My mom monster social pages are a representation of me, authentic and relatable-at least that’s what I strive for. This lifestyle blog has never been about perfection but lately I’ve been feeling less open about my life and my struggles as a woman, wife, and mother. I’ve been struggling with a few big scale problems that affect me on a daily basis that I’m not ready to share about. I’m finding it hard to share struggles I’m not yet on the other side of. Which is making me less authentic than I want to be-I in no way want to portray motherhood as this picture perfect play which is hard to avoid when you aren’t sharing the hard parts.
There’s is a difference between sharing what’s not perfect in your life and sharing your struggles. ‘Doing life’ hasn’t felt as beautifully flawed as it used to. To be honest, some days feel just plain flawed, in so many ways. I can see many aspects of my life in which I’m barely keeping my head above water-and I’ll tell you right now, I’m tired of swimming. It’s hard to want to share your life when it’s not what you thought it would be; or when you feel like it’s not representative of all the love and work you pour into it. Sometimes I feel like I’m putting all my energy towards something and the pieces still just don’t fit-no matter how hard I try, things just won’t click into place. While I’m hesitant and scared to share I know in my heart that’s the kind of stuff other moms needs to hear!
The reason we feel like it’s not ok to be broken is because no one is ever open about their own brokenness. We all have flaws, insecurities, areas of our life we aren’t excelling at-but that shouldn’t stop us from loving and accepting ourselves just where we are as mothers, as wives, as women. Yes, things are hard, my marriage is hard, parenting is hard, struggling with my mental health is hard, owning and maintaining a home is hard, chronic pain and illness is hard-it’s all hard you guys. These aren’t easy things to live-let alone write about, it’s scary to think about how you may be perceived by others. I get caught in the trap of thinking my struggles aren’t normal, I’m failing, I can’t do basic things other moms are doing. These are the kinds of thoughts that have stopped me from writing as much this year as I should have.
So, after long consideration I’ve decided to take a much needed social media break to reassess what this blog means to me, and the kind of space it provides for mothers and women. I will be spending this time writing on some hard subject, preparing content for you all to enjoy in the new year. This year mom monster will be the most vulnerable and real it’s ever been. I’ve chosen to take this time during the holidays when it’s so easy to get caught up in comparisons and the little things. I want to take this time to be intentional and reflective on moving forward and what this next year will bring for me, my family, and my blog. While I will miss all you amazing people I know in January I will be coming back stronger, braver, and more open than ever! See you in 2019 mom monsters, my focus will be on family and friends this holiday season and yours should be too.