'The luxury of adult friends in motherhood'




Since becoming a mother there has been one group that has taken the hit more than any other part of my life.  One group of people-moms and not, who are consistently cancelled on, ditched, and under loved.  My adult friends!  I can’t even count the number of conversations I’ve left mid sentence because my son needed me, or texts I never got around to returning.  This is something most moms I know totally get.  Your desire to maintain adult friendships is often times the first thing to get cut from your priorities when you’re faced with the responsibilities of motherhood. And I get it-I’m no stranger to this unavoidable side effect of being responsible for a little human.  Since becoming a mother I’ve lost friends, friendships have changed, and friendships have struggled.  But I am here to tell you-FORCE YOURSELF TO GO TO THE MOMS NIGHT OUT.  Future you will thank you.  

The importance of adult friends who understand you is undeniable, and something that deserves to be a priority.  Especially as a mother!  As tempted as you are to cancel your happy hour plans, and no matter how many times you’ve bailed before-this is the time to get out for that girls night.  You deserve it, and you need it.  Yes, you’re tired-we all are.  Yes, you have a million things to do-my to do list is never ending.  The drive will always seem long, the time inconvenient, or the cost too much.  If you are anything like me, by 3pm you will be running through reasons a night out with friends isn’t needed.  But here I sit, after 2.5 years of motherhood, telling you I need to prioritize my adult friendships.  I deserve the time for myself to feel like more than ‘mom’.  We all deserve to feel heard, appreciated, and understood.  It’s vital to being a healthy, happy mom-or human for that matter.  Our hearts deserve this momma.

Finish that conversation you’ve started with your mom friend a million times before getting rudely interrupted by ‘MOM-MOM-MOOOOOM!’.  Or just forget about being a mom for a few hours altogether; enjoy drinks with a friend who asks you about you and not just your kids.  I know your tired of having jumbled conversations with your play date group moms between tantrums and tears.  Give yourself permission to take time for you-even if all you want to do during that time is talk about your kids.  Sometimes that’s the best thing you could do with other mothers!  Have real, honest conversations about motherhood.  The types of conversations that make you feel less alone in a way that feels like a warm hug.  

I understand you are tired, busy, not feeling super hot, and just plain scared.  But this is worth pushing yourself.  Depending on who you are, you need time kid-less with your friends for different reasons.  Getting there is going to feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest, but being there will fill you up in a way your toddler can’t.  All the toddler kisses in the world can’t replace a conversation with someone who sees you as something more than ‘mom’.   Maintaining adult friendships should be a priority in your life, even as a mother.  I am dedicating myself to giving more of myself to my friends-to the people who care, to the people who fill me up.  They need to be a priority in my life too, as they should be in yours.  I challenge you to dedicate yourself to your adult friendships as well!